04/11/2018
The saying goes: “Behind every great man there’s a great
woman”
According to one website, this phrase was adopted as a
slogan for the 1960/70s feminist movement, first having been used in the 1940s.
It is less used in more recent years as the imagery of women being behind men
is open to misinterpretation.That’s one way of putting it!
Proverbs is written by a Father to a son and it’s full of
warnings about bad women. It’s only when
you get to the end that you find a woman described by the various translations
as a wife of noble character, a virtuous and capable wife, a wife with a strong
character, a valiant woman.
Proverbs 31 is an oracle that King Lemuel’s mother taught
him. We don’t know who King Lemuel is
but some scholars believe it’s another name for Solomon which would make the
original author Bathsheba. The section on the good wife from verse 10 is an
acrostic poem: each line begins with successive letters of the Hebrew
alphabet. This was often done to make it
easier to learn.
At first reading, it looks like we have a very industrious
wife who does everything round the house in addition to running the family
business, so her husband can sit around chatting with his mates until
dinnertime. However, let’s not forget
that it’s all about a good wife – she is the focus. If you wrote a poem all about a good husband,
you’d probably find a passing reference to “her indoors” in amongst a whole
list of activities that the good husband is involved in. So let’s not go too
hard on the husband – he actually gets some good PR out of this passage, as
we’ll see later.
After reading this through, you might find yourself
disheartened. If you’re a woman, you might feel that you will never live up to
this description – you’ll never be good enough!
If you’re a man, you might feel that you’ll never find a
woman like this! The good news for all
of us is that this woman doesn’t exist! As my study bible points out: “All the
ideals set forth here will probably not be fulfilled by any one wife and
mother”.
As I read through this description a few times, it actually
reminded me of an obituary, or possibly a speech by a husband at a 50th
wedding anniversary. It glosses over all
the inadequacies and paints a picture of perfection – which of course isn’t the
whole story because nobody’s perfect.
Even a wife of noble character will have her bad days and annoying
habits but these are omitted in this poem. So you shouldn’t get too
disheartened by this description, whether you’re a woman trying to live up to
this impossible standard, or a husband wondering why you didn’t marry Miss Perfect.
In the film “Good will hunting”, Robin Williams talks to
Matt Damon about a woman he’s interested in and he says to him: “It is not
about whether she’s perfect, nobody is, but what you have to figure out is
whether she’s perfect for you.”
So that’s some background; nobody’s perfect, but we can
learn some important principles from this description of the good wife.
Firstly, she is valued and affirmed by her husband
& children: Verse 11 – “Her husband has full confidence in her”, Verses 28/29
– “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises
her; ‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’”
For the husbands here, do you affirm your wife daily? Do you tell your wife how much you love and
appreciate her? Affirmation is one of
the reasons why this woman is so successful. Verse 25 - “She is clothed with
strength and dignity.” Affirmation gives her dignity. Just before I got
married, a couple of older men met with me and one piece of advice they gave me
was that women respond to what they hear. Words matter. I’m sure you’re
wondering what else those men advised me to do!
Secondly, she is devoted to her family (prepares
food, makes clothes, teaches her children, she brings her husband good, not
harm, all the days of her life). The feeling we get here is that this devotion
is not out of a sense of duty but out of love and enthusiasm. There’s a lesson
for parents here. In the midst of the physical and emotional energy we expend
on raising children, we forget that they are a gift from God and to be
cherished.
Thirdly, she is devoted to God. She doesn’t rely on
charm or beauty to be successful because she knows that “Charm is deceptive,
and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” (verse
30). Throughout the whole book of Proverbs, the recurring theme is that the key
to a successful life is a healthy reverence and respect for the Lord.
Fourthly, she is compassionate. She doesn’t just
think of herself and her family. Verse 20 - “She opens her arms to the poor and
extends her hands to the needy.”
Fifthly, she uses her time creatively and
constructively. Verse 27 – “She watches over the affairs of her household and
does not eat the bread of idleness.” She manages things well and thinks ahead.
Sixthly, she’s not a worrier! Verse 25 says: “she can laugh at the days to
come.”. Why? Because she plans for the future, she trusts her husband and she
trusts God. Despite Jesus’ command not to worry about food or clothes or what
tomorrow will bring, some Christians are always worrying about something! Worry
is a sign of lack of trust and it destroys your peace. But not this woman!
Instead of worrying about the future, she laughs at it!
Seventhly (& finally because seven is the perfect
number and this is the perfect wife!), she is content. Verse 15 (gets up early,
not drags herself out of bed), Verse 17 (she works vigorously, not
begrudgingly), Verse 13 (she works eagerly, not despondently). In some ways,
she has every reason to be resentful – up early, busy all day, no time for
herself. But she is happy! Why is she so content?
Because she is FREE!
Let me explain. The
more I looked at this passage, the more I kept getting the word FREEDOM.
The mood in this passage is one of harmony in the household.
And the chapter taken as a whole is about harmony in society. And the source of
this harmony is FREEDOM.
Think about it. If
the king can avoid women and wine, then he has the FREEDOM to govern wisely and
the people can then enjoy FREEDOM from oppression and exploitation and society
is in harmony.
In the particular family we’ve been looking at, the husband
has the FREEDOM to sit on the local council with the elders. Who gave him that
freedom? The wife did. She has every
right to keep him at home or tell him to work all the hours to put food on the
table, but she gives him the FREEDOM to use his gifts for the benefit of the
community.
Here we have a wife who has the FREEDOM to manage the household
as she sees fit. Her husband is not
controlling or domineering or giving instructions – he has “full confidence in
her”. She has the FREEDOM to play fast and loose with the joint cheque book.
She buys fields and plants vineyards on them!
She has the FREEDOM
to employ servants. The husband
could have said: “We’re not going to waste money paying people to do things
that are your responsibility”. But he
gives her the FREEDOM to take on staff, so that she can spend time on her home
business. She is gifted in working with materials and she has the FREEDOM to
use her gifts for the good of the household.
(Verse 25) “She laughs at the days to come”. This woman has
FREEDOM from worry. She is not afraid of
poverty, or cold or enemy attack because she lives in a family and a society
where FREEDOM is cherished.
I’m not making a judgement about “a woman’s place being in
the home”. This is a family in harmony where each person is given the FREEDOM
to use their gifts for the good of the family and the community. FREEDOM leads to contentment. The opposite of FREEDOM is CONTROL and it
leads to resentment.
There’s a message here for families. Husbands and wives can
engage in a power struggle of control and guilt trips and manipulation and
keeping records of wrongs causing disharmony and resentment. Parents can try to
influence their children in an unhealthy way, especially when it comes to
college and careers. In the film “The
dead poet’s society”, one of the boys wants to be an actor and is very good at
it, but his father is not impressed and insists that he is going to be a
doctor. In the end, the boy shoots himself with his father’s revolver. The
consequences of excessive CONTROL can be devastating.
There’s a message here for churches. As a minister, I have
to be careful that I don’t pressurise people into doing the jobs that I want
them to do. I have to give people the FREEDOM to exercise their gifts in the
way God intended them to be used.
And as a congregation, you have to be careful not to try and
shape me into the minister that you want me to be. You have to give me the
FREEDOM to be myself and to exercise my gifts in the way that God has called me
to use them.
Let’s pray.
Heavenly Father, we thank you for your Word, which speaks to
so many aspects of life. We thank you for this insight into family life, that
You need to be placed at the centre. We
thank you it was for FREEDOM that Christ has set us free, that through the
cross, we have freedom from sin and guilt.
And as we receive that FREEDOM, help us to set others free. Forgive us when we seek to control and
dominate and manipulate, thinking that we know best. Help us to trust other people and to allow
them to exercise their God given gifts and abilities for your glory. For we pray in Jesus name. Amen.
